Mar

17

Bottles, Breasts, and Mothering “Choices”

Filed Under Class Classism and Economic Inequality, Family Issues, Gender and Sexism, Media Praises and Critiques, Original Essays and Analysis, Pregnancy and Childbirth | 5 Comments

A few months after my boys were born I stumbled across a message board for twin moms, I really started to enjoy the tips and the sense of community that I gained from reading and posting on the site.  One of the things I enjoyed most was the forum for breastfeeding mothers, which gave me a strong sense of belonging and encouragement, and at that time, I needed encouragement.  Breastfeeding was and is a struggle for me.  I don’t know how things would be different if I was trying to feed only one baby, but I know breastfeeding two babies is one of the hardest things I have done.  While the Mommy message board is a great source of support for breastfeeding, it’s also a place where many of the most contentious elements of motherhood and womanhood are laid bare.  Sometimes it’s the stereotypical Mommy Wars– women in the paid labor force and women not in the paid labor force– but one of the more contentious debates is the bottle vs. breast debate.

As Hugo points out one subset of the Mommy Wars, is the “boob wars”:

And I’ve become aware of what might, for lack of a better term, be called the “boob war” — a sub-conflict within the larger “Mommy War” that continues to rage, exasperating and frightening and dividing women. And into this fight comes a bombshell article in the new Atlantic Monthly: Hanna Rosin’s The Case Against Breastfeeding. More on the article later. (Cap taps, belatedly and with apologies, to Rod Dreher and to Scott.)

The term “Mommy Wars” generally refers to the public and private debates, common among the middle and upper-middle classes of the developed world, about what makes a “good” mother. For years, the chief front in these wars has been the battle over daycare and work outside the home, though other conflicts rage in areas like nutrition and natural childbirth….

I read the Rosin piece; someone posted it on the twin Mommy board.  I felt a great deal of sympathy for the mother who posted it.  She said it helped her to feel less guilt about not breastfeeding, and from that point a discussion ensued with many formula feeding mother’s talking about how they feel that breastfeeding mothers are looking upon them unfavorably.

I’ll be frank; I don’t like the article, but there is one part of the article that stands out as true to me1 :

In her critique of the awareness campaign, Joan Wolf, a women’s-studies professor at Texas A&M University, chalks up the overzealous ads to a new ethic of “total motherhood.” Mothers these days are expected to “optimize every dimension of children’s lives,” she writes. Choices are often presented as the mother’s selfish desires versus the baby’s needs.

I have a great deal of empathy with mothers today who are striving to mother under a mothering ideology that demands perfection.  What I also find fascinating is how both breastfeeding and formula feeding mothers really have the same underlying feelings; both groups feeling that their decision on infant feeding is not respected.  Anytime these kinds of issues come up the Mommy board mantra is “do what works for you” “don’t judge each other’s parenting.”  The down side is that this places limitations on honest communications between these mothers, and the upside is that mother’s, who are already operating under ideology that demands parenting perfection, feel validated.

Nevertheless, topics like this are hotly contested on Mommy boards, and one thing I find most fascinating is that many Mommies blame each other, not the dominant ideology.  Here’s how I respond to the debate over this article on the Mommy board:

Women’s “choices” are often very heavily scrutinized, I wouldn’t say it’s primarily from women but from the entire society, and the hidden radical feminist in me says it’s because women as a class are not truly free. Every behavior that we engage in is held to a different set of standards than our male counterparts, and as you say we damned if we do and damned if we don’t. The can be extended to the abortion debate, the SAHM (stay at home mom) vs. working mom debate, debates over women and domestic violence, debates over women and plastic surgery, debates over hormone replacement therapy, and the list could go on and on. And I guess what bothers me is that we consistently divide women into dichotomies–e.i. virgins/w*hores, good girls and bad girls, bi*ches and nice girls. Thus, all of our behaviors are viewed in this context. I use the term choices loosely because I think that society convinces us that we have more choices than we really do. So many of our behaviors (or “choices”) occur in a societal context where we are so heavily scrutinized that our freedom is limited. It’s limited by peer pressure, it’s limited by sexism; it’s limited by patriarchal ideology; it’s limited by bottom line capitalism; it’s limited by racism; it’s limited by poverty; and I’m sure I could come up with a host of other factors that tell us “choices” are not just personal decisions.

Unfortunately this is where this crabs in a barrel problem comes in because we all feel heavily scrutinized but rather than blaming the social system that creates this mess we blame each other, and no matter what our so called “choice,” the constraints on our full personhood are still there.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t also say that constraints on mothering are radically different in diverse groups of women.  For example, the breastfeeding vs. formula feeding debate has much different meaning for middle and upper income white women living in the US than it does for poor women of color in developing countries.  The the structures of gender, race, class, sexuality, and nationhood operate simultaneously.

I’m not one who think women all have to tow the line and agree with each other, but what gets lost in translation is how social forces much greater than us shape our “choices” to formula feed, breastfeed, or combo feed our kids.

  1. I have several critiques of the Atlantic Monthly article that I would like to touch on in another post. [back]

Jan

31

Let’s Not Get Too Excited About The Idea of Octuplets

Filed Under Demography, Family Issues, Media Praises and Critiques, Original Essays and Analysis, Pregnancy and Childbirth, Sexuality and Heterosexism, Sociology, Uncategorized | 11 Comments

Everyone is talking about the California woman who gave birth to octuplets. Yes, my friends, that’s 8 babies, and it looks like they will all survive. While the news media is gushing, my own response is a little more subdued. We don’t know all of the details surrounding the birth and conception of these babies, but the likelihood of having this many babies at once without some type of intervention is slim. The birth of high order multiples (HOM), while it is amazing, it’s troubling.

First, it’s very dangerous. I can speak first hand as a mother of multiples. Multiple pregnancies are closely monitored, and I routinely went for ultrasounds and stress tests during the last 2 months of pregnancy. This monitoring is because the risk of nearly all major complications for mother and children are higher. I was lucky to have no complications and to go full term–that makes me part of the minority of twin moms. If the risks are this high for twins, can you imagine how high the risks are when a woman is pregnant with 8. The risks to mother and children are very high.
Another ethical issue that arises with an HOM birth is the difficulty that arises in giving adequate care to that many babies. In talking with other twin moms who formula feed, they estimate that formula would cost over $200 a month. Even if this mother is providing some breast milk, the cost for just food would be nearly $1000 a month. By the time you add the cost of other basic necessities, paying for these kids would be nearly impossible. The other issue would be basic care. When my twins were born, I spent nearly all of my time feeding, diapering, burping, and clothing them, and I had help. My spouse was here, and my mother was here for the first week. It was a daunting task, and my twins were full term. Since these babies are micro-preemies, their care will be even more challenging. They will need to eat often, probably every two hours, and there is no way possible that one or even two people can feed all eight of these babies. Plus, the babies will likely have feeding and breathing difficulties associated with low birth weight and prematurity. Moreover, reports indicate that this family already has 6 children. Taking care of 14 children, including 8 preemies is a nearly impossible task.
There are also social and economic costs that the larger community faces in cases like this. The hospital and insurance costs in these cases is huge, and I can’t help wondering if care for other babies in that hospital is suffering. Who knows maybe the hospital has some additional temp nurses to handle these babies, but I wonder if the care of other infants is being compromised because the extreme burden this is placing on the staff. What about the costs of insurance, assuming the family has health insurance? Will all of this medical care be covered; how will the financial burden be shifted around to others. I also cannot imagine in the long term that this family will get by without significant amounts of public assistance. The octuplets will be automatically eligible for early intervention programs, which are often government sponsored programs for children with disabilities. I don’t have a problem with people getting public assistance, but I worry that a case like this is a very heavy burden on the system.
I’m hesitant to comment of the specifics when it comes to ethical fertility practices because we don’t know the exact details of this conception. However, I do worry, as do many fertility doctors, about the ethics of HOM. It’s not likely that a doctor used in-vitro fertilization in this case, but I wonder about the monitoring in this case. In cases where injectible fertility drugs are given, doctors often closely monitor the development of follicles, and the release of eggs. I’ve also heard some speculation about black market fertility drugs, but clearly, we don’t know enough details to focus on the specifics of this conception. Nevertheless, we do know that mainstream fertility doctors do not consider these HOM births a success. Here’s quote from MSNBC:

It’s fine to celebrate the healthy delivery, said Sean Tipton, spokesperson for the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. But, a pregnancy resulting in this many babies is “clearly is not a medical triumph. Eight babies is not an outcome anyone should want.”

Unbridled celebration of these multiple births ignores the risks that this type of pregnancy can bring and the huge costs to the medical system and the parents, say experts.

This leads to my last point. I understand that people are fascinated with multiples. I can personally attest to the public reaction to twins. When we are out with the babies, numerous people approach us and provide unsolicited (sometimes nice and sometimes not so nice) comments. Multiples are a spectacle, and it is understandable because it’s different, but media coverage of multiples treats them with wonder, but generally ignores the challenges. I’d like to see more media coverage that is realistic. After all we rarely hear of HOM pregnancies that result in the death of the mothers or babies. I found this case from the UK that highlights a multiple pregnancy gone terribly wrong. I know for every one success story there are other stories that are not so happy.

While multiple pregnancies may be fascinating or interesting, the challenges shouldn’t be glossed over, especially when we are talking about high order multiple pregnancies. From child care issues, to medical and financial challenges the difficulties and risks are numerous. Parents, doctors, journalists, and the general public need to grapple publicly with what these HOM births mean for society. Unreflective celebration and freak show voyeurism seems to be the dominant way of viewing HOM pregnancies at this time.

Jun

3

How Much For My Baby Pics?

Filed Under Family Issues, Interracial Relationships, Media Praises and Critiques, Original Essays and Analysis, Pop Culture, Pregnancy and Childbirth, Sociology, Uncategorized | 8 Comments

I know many people love baby pictures. I do anyways. From little scrunchy newborns to running toddlers, I enjoy looking at the pictures but, I find it a little offensive how obsessed this culture is with celebrity baby photos.

Not long ago, I was standing in line at the grocery store when I saw several tabloid photos of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. The stories all surrounded the impending birth of the couple’s twins. I’ve notice some gossip shows and websites suggesting that Pitt and Jolie are going to get upwards of $10,000,000 for their babies’ pictures. How decadent can we get?

The celebrity baby photo competition is out of control. This site gives out a few of the exorbitant prices that tabloids have paid to get the first photos of various celebrity babies. Imagine how many of the world’s poor children could be fed and vaccinated for the money given to these celebrities? In fact, I would hope that, if Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie really do care about the children in poor countries, they would donate that eight figure income to help children who really need food, shelter, and basic medical care.

I also have to make a personal connection because ever since I put up my last update on my pregnancy my number one search has been for “interracial new born baby pics.” Nobody has offered any money for my babies’ pictures. I think there is a gawk factor with mixed race babies and celebrity babies. People want to know about celebrity babies because they want to feel connected to stars. Plus, everyday folks can emulate the latest “baby trends,” like $750 dollar strollers or organic baby clothes. The gawk factor with mixed race babies is different. Since interracial sexuality still is surrounded by taboo and mystique, some people are curious about how mixed race kids look. This doesn’t translate into a paycheck like it does for celebrities, but it certainly translates into internet searches.

What’s fascinating about these examples is that they show how we assign value to people from the moment of birth. One’s value is directly connected to who their parents are; how much money those parents make; their nationality; their race; their popularity, and so on.

May

21

Move Over: Pregnant Woman Coming Through

Filed Under Family Issues, Gender and Sexism, Original Essays and Analysis, Pregnancy and Childbirth, Sociology, Uncategorized | 5 Comments

(Not yet proofread; please bear with me.)

For me, one of the most striking things about pregnancy has been how pregnancy affects embodiment. In particular, I’m referring to how societal interactions and structures make affect social psychology and social interaction. One of the things I’ve noticed in the last few months of my pregnancy is the tendency for people to move over when I walk by them.

I first noticed this among men, especially younger men. It was almost like they would jump out of my way when they saw me coming. Some were clearly being gracious and definitely trying to be polite and considerate, and others looked almost scared, as if I was going to go into labor on the spot. What was fairly consistent was a lack of verbal interaction or sustained eye contact. Older men (those who seem to be over 50), have had very different reactions. They tend to hold doors, make more eye contact, and even strike up conversations. I’ve notice a little bit of difference in relation to ethnicity. Since I live in a neighborhood with many immigrants and different racial groups, I have day to day interactions with many men from different racial and ethnic backgrounds. In my own experience, both Latino and West African men (not African American, but West Africans) are much more likely to have to smiling, friendly, excited reaction. It seems that American born men (or those who are heavily assimilated), regardless, of race are more likely to jump out of the way and avoid eye contact. It is possible that many Latin American and West African cultures are very pronatalist that men view pregnant women in different ways than American men.1

As for women, it took much longer for women to do the move over thing. I’ve only noticed women moving over in the past few weeks when my stomach has been huge2 My experience has been that women are less likely than men to give this pregnant woman extra physical space. When women do move out of the way, it feels different. It rarely feels like their scared, but I do get a sense of pity from some of the women who move over. For most of the women who have a noticeable reaction to my pregnant body, their physical reaction is not really one of distancing themselves. They tend to try to do helpful things like hold the elevator, and then ask the programmed questions like: “When are you due?” “What are you having, boy or girl3?” Women, especially older women, may offer their own personal stories. Although I’ve also had some elderly and young women, act in a way that I interpreted as rude. For example, I’ve had a few cases of elderly women rushing to get ahead of me in line, which I would generally ignore if I wasn’t pregnant. I think there is an interesting conflict between women who are slowed because they are pregnant and women who are slowed because they are older. In terms, of ethnicity I haven’t noticed many differences. The Latinas in my neighborhood tend to have the most favorable reactions, but I felt that I had more pleasant interactions with Latinas before I was pregnant, so it is hard to know how much pregnancy has changed my interactions. I know I’ve had several cases of women speaking to me in Spanish about the babies, and I speak enough Spanish to communicate a little. I’m not comfortable generalizing about racial or ethnic differences in women in relation to moving over, but I think there are other race/class/gender differences in how women react to pregnant bodies or the idea of pregnancy.

The other factor that seems to influence how men and women react to my pregnant body in public interactions is the whether or not I’m alone, with a woman, or with a man. When I’m with my husband, I don’t get as many move over reactions from anybody, male or female. Moving over seems to happen more when I’m with women or, especially, when I’m by myself. I think when I’m with a man, who appears to be my partner, people think I have someone to “take care of me,” so they don’t feel compelled to respond.

From a social psychological perspective, this has made me very aware of my pregnant body. I rarely forget about being pregnant when I’m out in public. Of course, the smiles and other reactions make a big difference in how I interact, but the one that I really notice most is the move over reaction. That reaction has made me a little more sensitive to people with visible, physical disabilities. I don’t see pregnancy as a disability, but I think there are similarities in how people reaction to disabled bodies and pregnant bodies. Moving over is definitely one thing both groups have in common. I can see how people in each group can have their sense of self altered by these repeated move over interactions.

  1. I know in my partner’s culture–Nigerian, Igbo–there is a special word that means “mother of twins.” I’ve been called that by almost everybody in the family, male or female, and the connotation is very positive. [back]
  2. Remember I’m carrying twins, and right now my belly is bigger than almost any woman I know who has had a baby, so I have wondered if the reactions of other women would be different if my stomach was a more typical size. [back]
  3. The question about gender take on another dimension when the person asking finds out that you are having twins. People get really excited, and the most common question I’ve gotten is, Do twins run in your family? [back]

May

21

Babies Update

Filed Under Blogs Blogging Blogthropology, Family Issues, Pregnancy and Childbirth | 5 Comments

Yes, my posting has been limited lately. I’m slowly getting prepared for the babies, and then we had some computer trouble last week, so needless to say I’ve been preoccupied with other things.

I’ve been really lucky because I haven’t had any major problems. I’ve also had a total of zero contractions, no high blood pressure, no diabetes, and no other common pregnancy problems. My doctor did suggest taking time off from work at 34 weeks. I think that is fairly standard with twins since twin pregnancies are generally more taxing on the body than singleton pregnancies. Fortunately, my semester ended right at that time, so I didn’t have to worry about going to my job. It was just the right time to stop because I really can’t be on my feet for more than 10-15 minutes without having back, hip, and buttock pain.

The babies are doing well. Since “discordance,” which is basically large differences in size or growth of multiples, is a potential problem I have to get them measured every 3 weeks. I get an ultrasound, and the neonatalogist and ultrasound tech measure their size, heart rate, amniotic fluid, and several other measures of health and growth. At 33 weeks and a half weeks, they weighed 5lbs. 1oz. each. I was happy to see that their sizes are the same because baby A was getting ahead of baby B, but B finally caught up. At this rate, I may have two 7lb. babies. That’s not big for a single baby, but it’s pretty big for twins–I just keeping thinking, “My body will likely be carrying 14lbs. of baby.” The seem to be dropping, and right now they have their heads down, so I may be able to push both of them out without a C-section.

Unless they want to come sooner, I’ll probably be delivering them at 38 weeks.

Apr

22

The Babies..Keeping Everybody Up To Date

Filed Under Family Issues, Pregnancy and Childbirth | 10 Comments

Some folks have written or commented asking how things are going with the pregnancy and the babies, so I figured I’d give a blog post updating everyone simultaneously.? Right now I’m in week 30.? The due date is at the end of June, but it is typical with twins that they come early, sometime around week 36 or 37 (on average).

The good news is that everybody is healthy.? My morning sickness finally subsided in the 4th month, and in month 5 I started gaining back the weight that I lost, and now I’ve gained 20-25 lbs.? Other than the typical things like morning sickness, heartburn, back pain, insomnia, and breathlessness, I’m doing well.? My diabetes test was negative, my blood pressure is low, and everything else is fine.? My mobility is getting a little more limited every day, but that is to be expected, especially since I’ve been equivalent to full term size since 25 weeks.? I can’t even imagine how big I’ll be in the last few weeks.

The babies are also doing well.? At 30 weeks, their estimated weights 3.5 and 3.1 lbs, which means they are the same size as the typical singleton baby.? At this rate, they may end up being 6-7 lbs when they are born, which is big for twins.? I’m also happy that they turned head down, which diminishes the likelihood that I’ll have a c-section delivery.

At this point, it’s wait and see.? We gotten almost everything the babies need, so we aren’t too worried about that. My semester will end in a week, and from there on out I’ll be relaxing and finishing off the nesting..

Jan

23

My Big Announcement…I’m Pregnant With Twins

Filed Under Family Issues, Gender and Sexism, Original Essays and Analysis, Pregnancy and Childbirth, Race and Racism, Sociology | 69 Comments

In case you haven’t noticed, my blogging has been lighter than usual since October. Well the main reason for that has been because I’m pregnant. I told my co-bloggers, so they would think I was abandoning the site, and I’m really grateful for the work they have done. Lyonside is the Godess of comment moderation and Atlasien’s posts have really added great dimension to the site.

Now that I’m in just out of month 4, I’m finally happy to report that my life doesn’t revolve around the fear of throwing up on strangers. For a while, from months 2-4, I was battling morning sickness, and the usual first trimester sleepiness. I’m still concerned about a few things like the fact that at almost 19 weeks I weigh the same as I did when I got pregnant. In fact, one of the most fascinating things about pregnancy is the way it has altered my eating habits and my metabolism. When I was in the throws of morning sickness, for some unknown reason the more unhealthy the food the more likely it was to stay down. I’ve never eaten so many McDonald’s Big Mac’s in my life. What’s even funnier is the fact that I ate that kind of food and lost 6 pounds. I felt like I couldn’t possibly eat enough food to maintain my weight, and I was even more shocked when I read that I was supposed to eat 2600 calories a day (300 extra calories per fetus). I’ve always been a person who loves eating and food, and by medical standards I’m in the overweight category, but suddenly, I didn’t want to eat, and these two little fetuses were performing liposuction on my thighs and butt. My husband kept joking about the fact that I had the incredible shrinking booty, which he thought was bad and my mother and brother thought was great. (Now, there’s a cultural difference if there ever was one–West African ideas about booty beauty and White American ideas about booty beauty.) Fortunately, I’ve gained my 6 pounds back, but I seem to be stuck right at the same weight. I promise I’ll write more about this since it really seems to be the one issue that is bothering me the most–I keep wondering how I’m going to gain 30 lbs in 20 weeks.1

Of course, I’m going to write about the pregnancy because there are so many juicy issues. The gender issues are obvious, but other issues like body image (which I alluded to above), medicalization, racism, and the rampant classism/materialism that surrounds birth and children. I already have some good stories to tell already, so be prepared.

  1. For those who don’t know the weight gain recommendation for twins is higher, but the doctors also seem to be all over the place in what they suggest. My OBGYN suggested a 44lb weight gain for a woman of my height who is of average weight. Since I’m overweight, she suggested 30-35 lbs. [back]